we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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