You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
