Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
