Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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