Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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