They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
