The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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