my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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