why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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