Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
