went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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