I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
