After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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