Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
