Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
