we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
