you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize