I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize