i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
