I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
