I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
as a side note pls kill me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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