i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
