I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
