I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
