well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
