He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
