they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
