fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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