guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
