Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
