Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
