My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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