Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
