It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
