my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
