There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
