Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
