So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
