just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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