The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
