I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they're like a gay fantastic four
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
