i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
