I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
