Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
