I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
