You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
