Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
