I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
