im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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