I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
