I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I didn't notice because vodka
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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