i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
