genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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