in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
