i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
