I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So much rum. So many feels.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
