I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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