I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
