I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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