just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
