oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
