he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
