My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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