woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
