hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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