Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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